The blahs....

Ok, so the last post I wrote was on having a more disciplined life and accomplishing goals. I have gotten better about that, at least more consistent. My husband and I start our Bible study in two weeks, hopefully we will have a great group! I have high hopes:)

I wish I was better at blogging, but I guess it's just going to have to be my sporadic thoughts.

Here lately I have been down on myself about my role as a mom. I fell like I won't ever get it right. So tired, so idk...not the way I want to be. I got to thinking, what isn't right? I want to have fun with my boys, I want to teach them, laugh with them, do things with them, go places, serve with them, I guess I want it all.

The problem is I do all of that. So, why do I fell down? What isn't right? I have been praying about it and I think I have come to a conclusion. I have an unrealistic view of parenting. There I said it. I believe it. I own it.

When we lost Todd, I prayed with everything in me that God would bless us with another son. (I'm so glad He decided to bless us with three more!) When I had my next son I began to plan all the wonderful moments we would have. The times we would spend together, the things we would learn and places we would go. Not that any of this is unusual or wrong, but that's all I thought of. I was surprised when I actually had loads and loads of laundry and lack of sleep and the list goes on and on. I didn't know how to handle it. I felt like it shouldn't matter to me, that I should be grateful that God blessed us with more children, and boys at that! What more could I want? I should be doing all of this with a grateful heart and a smile on my face.

Well part of that is true. But, what God has been showing me is it's not just the "good" parts of my sons lives that I should celebrate. It's all the mundane parts too. The loud, the messy, the obnoxious, the smelly, the embarrassing, all the plain old in between times. It's a crazy thought to celebrate all of this, but I'm not talking balloons here, I'm talking from the heart. Being a mom is hard, even with the support of a wonderful husband! But, that's not all it's about. It's a calling, a reward, a role like none other. I pray God continues to work on my heart and help me to celebrate all the ups and downs and in between times of being a mom of boys!