My boys, our story

My boys are so special to me. My firstborn, Todd Austin, was with us for a very short time. He was a beautiful boy, looked just like his daddy. Except, he did have my toes, the second toe was longer than his big toe. I'm very proud of that!:) When we had to say goodbye to him, I was so scared that we would not have another boy, or maybe not another baby at all. I tend to let my emotions get the better of me. Luckily, God is more powerful than my raging hormones. Only a few months later I found out I was pregnant again. For some women this would not be good news, but my God is a very personal God. He knew what I needed (and how impatient I am). When I found out, half of me hoped it was a girl. I thought maybe that would make it easier. The other half wanted a boy. God wanted us to have another son. When Adam (we named him Adam, because he was our new beginning) was born, he looked completely different than his brother. He looks like his mommy. Except he doesn't have my toes! Fortunately, he acts like his daddy. He's a very laid back little man. I am again amazed at how my God is a God of details. He knew that for some reason Adam looking so different was easier for me. I can't really explain it, but my emotions tend to be a bit complicated.

Now, I will jump ahead a bit. In the year 2005 I found out God was giving us another baby. Would this be our girl? No. God was blessing us with another boy, Daniel. When I was pregnant with Daniel I was doing a Bible study, by Beth Moore, Daniel. It's an amazing study, you should check it out. Daniel was a man who stood up for his beliefs and was on fire for God. Sometimes I think our Daniel stands up for his 'beliefs' a little too much, he's only two. By the way, his middle name means "fiery", which he definitely is. Daniel looks more like his daddy, a little more like Todd, but still similar to his brother, Adam.

Again, jumping a bit. Last year John and I decided our family wasn't quit complete. We decided to try one more time. Not to just try for a girl, but to welcome whoever God brings to us. He brought us Caleb. Yes, another boy! He is the spitting image of his brother, Todd. He even has my toes. What a blessing! God is also a God of timing, his timing. He knows even though my emotions still waver, I have learned to calm them with God's help. Actually, it's pretty much all God. I am not a strong person. That's what makes my story so amazing. Because it's not just my story. It's our story, God's and mine. A story about how God worked in the life of a woman, a woman like me.

My Family

Nacham

I was reading A Heart Like His, by Beth Moore. In it she mentions the Hebrew word Nacham. It's meaning stood out to me: 'the idea of breathing deeply as a physical display of one's feeling, usually sorrow, compassion, or comfort.' The word was used in II Samuel 12:24, where it meant 'being consoled over the death of an infant child.' This word seems to describe a lot about me.

On October 10, 2001 I went to the hospital to give birth to my first born son. My water had already broke, but I wasn't having any contractions. I was told it was going to be awhile and was put on a monitor. Just your basic story...but then everything changed. The baby started kicking and they lost him on the monitor, the nurse started checking on things and noticed I was bleeding. I was put on oxygen and my nurse started prepping me for an emergency c-section. They couldn't get in touch with my doctor, so the doctor on call came and performed the c-section. It all happened so fast, not once did I actually think I would lose my baby. When I woke up I was told I had a total placenta abruption and the baby didn't make it. This all happened within 10 or so minutes, but it was the longest day of my life. I felt such intense sorrow, didn't think I could ever get over that feeling. I probably wouldn't have either if it wasn't for God and the family and friends that He put in my life. Don't get me wrong even after six years and three boys later, I still have my moments. But, God always gives me the comfort and compassion that I need when I need it. II Corinthians 1 talks about God's comfort and how we can share that same comfort with others, through the sorrow that we have been through. I hope to be able to do that throughout my life, to comfort others, to tell them my story. Only God can give you joy in the midst of sorrow.